Many people lose their temper with their loved ones, and afterwards they are very upset, but they will do it again next Time.
The reason for this is that the tolerance of our loved ones makes us too reckless. If we lose our temper with outsiders such as leaders and colleagues, we are likely to damage our relationship with each other. Therefore, we will intentionally or unintentionally pay attention to the way in the communication. We know that even if we act out of line, they will not take it personally or hold a grudge; even if we use them as a punching bag, we can gain tolerance, understanding, patience, and compassion.
Family is a relatively safe and tolerant environment. When we are aggrieved outside, we will go Home to vent our frustrations. In such an environment that gives a sense of psychological security, we tend to forget how to speak properly, so that we use sarcastic, distorted, exaggerated, and derogatory language towards our family members.
In addition, our psychological expectations of those close to us are too high, believing that they should support them, and once they encounter discomfort, it is easy to form a psychological gap, thinking that “others do not understand me is just, how you also do not understand”, the more you think, the more angry.
When wantonly transferring the harm given by outsiders to their spouses, we do not see the concern contained in the cup of hot tea brought by each other silently; when impatiently interrupting our Parents‘ well-intentioned nagging, we do not see the elderly leave without words and quietly hurt their feelings in the house. Loved ones bear our hurts without complaint, because they are closest to us, closest to us, and can tolerate us with love.
Some netizens have calculated that a time spent with parents is probably only a few dozen days to more than two hundred days, and the precious time with other close people is also limited. From now on, don’t save your rude attitude and unkind accusations for those who are close to you. Try to change yourself from the following 3 aspects.
- Look at things from a different perspective.
People want to be right, and the other person must accept their opinion. Put yourself in your loved one’s shoes, think about their good intentions, and learn to understand them. If they keep nagging, choose an appropriate way to express your innermost thoughts. Tell them that you already know what the problem is and let them believe that you can fix it.
- Let your loved one finish the conversation.
It is often difficult to talk clearly in anger, therefore, the British historian Parkinson and management scientist Rastomji, in the co-authored book “Knowing People Well”, said: “In the event of an argument, remember to avoid opening your mouth, let others finish their words, and listen with an open mind and sincerity in order to make friends with each other and talk things out.” “The wind is calm and the waves are still, the waves are still and the water is clear, the water is clear and the swimming fish can be counted”, after the wind is calm and the waves are still, you can avoid hurting your feelings.
3, calm anger three laws.
Psychological research has found that people in anger will appear “narrow consciousness” phenomenon, focusing on the negative information will not be released. Before you are about to lose control of your emotions, try to stop talking, or leave the scene, let yourself calm down. During the Spring and Autumn Period, Wang Shu, the Marquis of Lantian, was once scolded at his door. He remained silent and faced the wall until the person left, then turned around and continued his business. American psychologist Professor Orian Uris suggests that lowering your voice, followed by slowing down your speech and straightening your chest forward, can effectively calm your anger.
As the old saying goes, “Hold your anger for a moment and save yourself a hundred days of worry. Remember, giving in to a loved one is not a loss of face, but out of love.
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